Monday, April 21, 2008

I am the Very Model of a Presidential Candidate

This is absolutely classic...

The song parodies Gilbert & Sullivan's "Modern Major General" tune, which I am pretty familiar with since I performed it years ago. It's a splendid piece, and this parody keeps quite well to the spirit of the song.

I am the very model of a Presidential candidate,
I flip and flop, and like a flounder, on the issues vacillate.
I listen to the polls and say exactly what they tell me to,
And hope to make you think I have precisely the same goals as you.
I look into opponents' closets, pull out every skeleton,
But question me on policy, I'll wobble just like gelatin.
I'm highly dedicated to all matters pure political,
Compared to which the country's welfare isn't very critical.

I'm very good at telling lies with unsurpassed sincerity,
Like "All I do, I do for you, to foster your prosperity."
In short, in matters economic, social, and those of the state,
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

I love our Constitution and know how to make it work for me.
The Bill of Rights is just a guide that I ignore selectively.
The laws of this great land of ours were written with a lot of thought,
So when I violate them, it's important that I not get caught.
I never miss a photo op because it's free publicity.
I smile, shake hands, kiss babies and praise everyone's ethnicity.
Then I can face my rival in a widely televised debate
And cast aspersions on his record, hygiene, wife, and running mate.

My promises are all cliche' and none of them are practical,
But tax cuts, health care, schools and trees are all issues quite tactical.
I tell you what you want to hear on matters to which you relate.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

In fact, when I learn how to get essential legislation passed,
When I can get more countries to reduce the nukes they have amassed,
When my vast store of expertise can fill encyclopedias,
And my affairs with interns I can hide from all the media,
When economic crises I know how correctly to avert,
When I learn more of compromise, and enemies I can convert:
In short, when I earn the respect of people all across the land,
You'll say a better President has never been so close at hand.

For how to run a country, though I know how theoretically,
Is something that you can't be taught by doing it hypothetically.
But still I hope the voters think that I can learn to do it great.
I am the very model of a Presidential candidate.

Link to Parody Song Lyrics @